I lost the momentum on posting yesterday. Not sure when it ended, as I posted moments ago, without having read any of it. There is something I need to do here, and I am holding back. How far can I go in revealing all my feelings and thoughts? Nay, how far dare I go? Once I publish and its online for the world to see, then it's out there. I think I may have written my intention to fast from the media. Withdrawals symptoms include free time I always had, but ... . I was listening to World Cafe with David Dye last night. He was interviewing an Isreali artist, whose name eludes me - but I'll find it in a minute. The man shared his observations of Berlin where a particular music scene scorns artists who appear more "commercial" than true. The audiences could detect truth from commercialism apparently. Which leads me back to the point of what to reveal. Obviously I could write anything and it could be true or not true - only I know for sure. But surely, at some point, this writing will all become rather banal and pointless if all I am doing is writing for the sake of writing. So what is this? I think this is simply an open exploration of how and indeed whether I can or cannot develop a daily writing discipline. What I write is banal and fluffy - at least its seems to me to be this way so far.
Nothing has come off the cuff and directed so far, I think. I will not write about others, but I may include their names if it keeps context. I will not gossip. I heard some today, what I don't remember. What I do remember is listening to someone today recall some conflict with an associate. I remember having heard some related gossip years ago that I now have to conclude was false. How does one ignore gossip gracefully? When someone you admire or love or respect gossips, how do you react if you don't want to participate?
Now there is an idea... pose a question every day - as if.
cheers you all.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Day Seven
Something different today, starting this at 10:10 am - adding to it as the day progresses - or regresses depending on how you look at. But it could not be a finer day, not a cloud in the sky, good music streaming in on RadioFreePhoenix, and I am completing some work for the ELC App - cool treeviews.
11:05. Distracted by the need to deal with a long overdue bill with Bell - their fault. Long story, but they were double billing me for internet service on my home phone - sympatico telling me that it is impossible for that to happen; bellnet telling me the same thing. Meanwhile I am getting billed - sympatico taking from a credit card. Luckily the bellnet account was a bill - and I have yet to pay it, which is now at 491.02 plus the $80 monthly since the sympatico was taken off.... I registered a complaint with the Commissioner for Complaints for Telecommunications Services. We'll see where this goes; back to elc.
11:55: Just remembered coining the phrase "I am savouring my humble pie!" - doing that more than not lately. Guilty all the time of blurting out of context - My friends take that as me. Others see me as nuts, or inconsiderate. Blurts, blurts, blurts..... thought layered on feelings just trying to escape.
1:50; Finished lunch with my sweetie, but not before being interrupted by Margeret at Bell, letting me know that sympatico will be reimbursing me. What a coincidence. Alexendar G. Bell is rolling in his grave.
2:10: sympatico calls to tell me that they are issuing me a cheque for 303 to reimburse me for the double billing.......
4:55 wearyness - coding the domainvalue class module and not finding a chronic problem with a validation procedure. time to leave - return to it later.
11:05. Distracted by the need to deal with a long overdue bill with Bell - their fault. Long story, but they were double billing me for internet service on my home phone - sympatico telling me that it is impossible for that to happen; bellnet telling me the same thing. Meanwhile I am getting billed - sympatico taking from a credit card. Luckily the bellnet account was a bill - and I have yet to pay it, which is now at 491.02 plus the $80 monthly since the sympatico was taken off.... I registered a complaint with the Commissioner for Complaints for Telecommunications Services. We'll see where this goes; back to elc.
11:55: Just remembered coining the phrase "I am savouring my humble pie!" - doing that more than not lately. Guilty all the time of blurting out of context - My friends take that as me. Others see me as nuts, or inconsiderate. Blurts, blurts, blurts..... thought layered on feelings just trying to escape.
1:50; Finished lunch with my sweetie, but not before being interrupted by Margeret at Bell, letting me know that sympatico will be reimbursing me. What a coincidence. Alexendar G. Bell is rolling in his grave.
2:10: sympatico calls to tell me that they are issuing me a cheque for 303 to reimburse me for the double billing.......
4:55 wearyness - coding the domainvalue class module and not finding a chronic problem with a validation procedure. time to leave - return to it later.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Day Six
A while ago I went through one of those transition periods, an enlightenment. I chose to fast from media. So no tv, no radio, no internet- but only so far as "news" and gossip is concerned. I still needed to communicate, and work, and enjoy music. If I recall correctly, I did this during Hurricane Katrina. Maybe I'll look this up, maybe not. It does not matter. What matters is that I learned a lot during that period. And I think I need a refresher. We are into day six or 40, so that leaves 34 days of media freedom. So, no tv news, no radio news, no internet news, no tv or raid current affairs, no internet news or current affairs. I can anticipate looking for information, whcih may expose current news stories. I will not be told, or read how many people now have swine flu. I must admit that I will watch some playoff hockey. But I won't seek the results. I look forward to reporting the results of my fast in 34 days.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Day Five
It's a Sunday, which means that Robert Barclay is on the radio with his show the Juke Joint. I don't know why this show gets my attention. Could it be the great music? Must be. There is such a variety from week to week. Unlike some other shows like World Cafe, I rarely hear the same song again. If I do it has been a long time, too long to remember. I don't know if Mr. Barclay gets paid for his work. If he does, he probably sees it as a bonus. If he doesn't, he ought to be. Not that it matters. He connects with the audience.
So I try to position myself so that I am in listening range of the radio on Sunday nights. Even if I am away, I get the show live on net at wcmu.org. I appreciate the effort.
Geordon and Kelsey and I had roast beef dinner at Carol's tonight. We all enjoyed the whole time - food was great, dessert for once, in a while. Emily and Kelsey put on a mini fashion show to great laughs - even Java got in on it.
I just looked at the calendar and see that these 40 days end on June 1, or May 31. I looked because I wondered what might transpire between then and now. My focus, actually, not on myself as it ought to be, but on my son, who seems to have lost a rudder. But then maybe not. I realized today, in one of those flashes of insight - rare and often ignored - that I needed to tell Geordon that I have a lot to learn and one of those things I need to learn is to listen better and that I could think of no-one better to learn that from than from him. Of course he would understand the implication. So I told him tonight and he understood.
It's a start. Who knows where this will go. I am not recalling what I wrote the day before. And I am not looking at what I wrote either - I swear. I want to, but I will not. This current focus may pass or it may be a recurring theme. I suspect that there will be some recurring themes. The psychoanalysts in the audience will be taking notes. I should laugh.
So I try to position myself so that I am in listening range of the radio on Sunday nights. Even if I am away, I get the show live on net at wcmu.org. I appreciate the effort.
Geordon and Kelsey and I had roast beef dinner at Carol's tonight. We all enjoyed the whole time - food was great, dessert for once, in a while. Emily and Kelsey put on a mini fashion show to great laughs - even Java got in on it.
I just looked at the calendar and see that these 40 days end on June 1, or May 31. I looked because I wondered what might transpire between then and now. My focus, actually, not on myself as it ought to be, but on my son, who seems to have lost a rudder. But then maybe not. I realized today, in one of those flashes of insight - rare and often ignored - that I needed to tell Geordon that I have a lot to learn and one of those things I need to learn is to listen better and that I could think of no-one better to learn that from than from him. Of course he would understand the implication. So I told him tonight and he understood.
It's a start. Who knows where this will go. I am not recalling what I wrote the day before. And I am not looking at what I wrote either - I swear. I want to, but I will not. This current focus may pass or it may be a recurring theme. I suspect that there will be some recurring themes. The psychoanalysts in the audience will be taking notes. I should laugh.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Day Four
I am cheating, a little.
I have a journaling database in which I record anything. It occurs to me now that I should stick to my original design and write my blog into the datbase first and then copy it over into this blog. Whatever happens to be complicated -I'll go there.
Getting back to the cheating, the following is my "artist's" way entry from November 5 2007.
Fascinating how quickly the mind starts up in the morning. I set the alarm for 6:55, lazed after, got the second alarm at 7:20, then the radio came on. The speaker on the show with Marcus was a guy from Science North, Franco, whose voice was almost identical to TK's. But as the conversation progressed, I could tell that the details were slightly different. But then I thought that Tim might be hiding the details to protect the innocent. Even when he said 'my wife' , I thought it was a ruse, for that was how convinced I was that it was T speaking.
So it does not take long before my mind starts on the ferris wheel or merry go round - amazing how easy it is to slip in to constant mind chatter. It's like being on auto pilot. It matters little what is or was being thought - for indeed in this moment, only 20 minutes or so later, I cannot recall what it was I was thinking. I am still doing this as I eat my cereal while wrting this exercise.
I need to know how many words will fill this window so I can gauge my morning progress. 750 words is the target, but then I am thinking that I should only target 30 minutes. Or how about setting minimums - 30 minutes, or 750 words. I should think that I can write 750 words in less than 30 minutes. If not then I need to learn to type faster because I can certainly think more than 750 words in a minute. Part of the process here is to purge the system. Let it all out. Set the mind straight for the remainder of the day by letting go of the need to be distracted in thought. Part of the process is the get I the habit of writing. ( I need to tell C about my morning ritual vis-à-vis , these morning writings - recall that I did this in the spring of 2006 - I still have the papers and would like at some point to enter their contents into this burgeoning database.)
Clearing the mind is the simplest more effective way to being creative. This reminds me of the story of the master carver who described his masterpiece in terms of being chosen himself - the tree chose hime, the tools chose him, the image chose hom, and so on.
Now a critical aspect of this process is to have alone time - no distractions - as I just had as Kelsey needed the light bulbs replaced in her room - Therefore, for when the kids are here I need to be up at least an hour before them.
I had a talk with B last night and got her to give me a writing assignment. I said I'll write 750 words or so - give me a topic - she said tomatoes. So my challenge is to write 750 words on tomatoes. The question for me is do I write completely off the cuff or do I do some research. I started to read wikipedia and then discovered that that kind of reading discourages imagination. In order to train or allow my imagination, I need only to let it out, to let it go, to free it from the bonds of this ego.
This ego of mine is deathly scared of my imagination. For it has controlled it for the purpose of keeping itself alive. A free and simple imagination is the death of the ego. As I write this, there is an urge to stop when in fact this is when the juices start. I need to keep going with this for as long as I can sustain this - no judgement, no nothing - just free mind letting out -I realize that I need better keying equipment. My shoulders are feeling the strain and so are my wrists - this is definitely ergonomically challenged.
Back to today - in April 2009. I never wrote about tomatoes. Stay tuned.
I have a journaling database in which I record anything. It occurs to me now that I should stick to my original design and write my blog into the datbase first and then copy it over into this blog. Whatever happens to be complicated -I'll go there.
Getting back to the cheating, the following is my "artist's" way entry from November 5 2007.
Fascinating how quickly the mind starts up in the morning. I set the alarm for 6:55, lazed after, got the second alarm at 7:20, then the radio came on. The speaker on the show with Marcus was a guy from Science North, Franco, whose voice was almost identical to TK's. But as the conversation progressed, I could tell that the details were slightly different. But then I thought that Tim might be hiding the details to protect the innocent. Even when he said 'my wife' , I thought it was a ruse, for that was how convinced I was that it was T speaking.
So it does not take long before my mind starts on the ferris wheel or merry go round - amazing how easy it is to slip in to constant mind chatter. It's like being on auto pilot. It matters little what is or was being thought - for indeed in this moment, only 20 minutes or so later, I cannot recall what it was I was thinking. I am still doing this as I eat my cereal while wrting this exercise.
I need to know how many words will fill this window so I can gauge my morning progress. 750 words is the target, but then I am thinking that I should only target 30 minutes. Or how about setting minimums - 30 minutes, or 750 words. I should think that I can write 750 words in less than 30 minutes. If not then I need to learn to type faster because I can certainly think more than 750 words in a minute. Part of the process here is to purge the system. Let it all out. Set the mind straight for the remainder of the day by letting go of the need to be distracted in thought. Part of the process is the get I the habit of writing. ( I need to tell C about my morning ritual vis-à-vis , these morning writings - recall that I did this in the spring of 2006 - I still have the papers and would like at some point to enter their contents into this burgeoning database.)
Clearing the mind is the simplest more effective way to being creative. This reminds me of the story of the master carver who described his masterpiece in terms of being chosen himself - the tree chose hime, the tools chose him, the image chose hom, and so on.
Now a critical aspect of this process is to have alone time - no distractions - as I just had as Kelsey needed the light bulbs replaced in her room - Therefore, for when the kids are here I need to be up at least an hour before them.
I had a talk with B last night and got her to give me a writing assignment. I said I'll write 750 words or so - give me a topic - she said tomatoes. So my challenge is to write 750 words on tomatoes. The question for me is do I write completely off the cuff or do I do some research. I started to read wikipedia and then discovered that that kind of reading discourages imagination. In order to train or allow my imagination, I need only to let it out, to let it go, to free it from the bonds of this ego.
This ego of mine is deathly scared of my imagination. For it has controlled it for the purpose of keeping itself alive. A free and simple imagination is the death of the ego. As I write this, there is an urge to stop when in fact this is when the juices start. I need to keep going with this for as long as I can sustain this - no judgement, no nothing - just free mind letting out -I realize that I need better keying equipment. My shoulders are feeling the strain and so are my wrists - this is definitely ergonomically challenged.
Back to today - in April 2009. I never wrote about tomatoes. Stay tuned.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Day Three
Well almost day four if Iam not qwuick about this... 11:43 pm. Returned home just a few minutes ago after being with Carol for supper, an OTR rehearsal, and a few quiet moments at her place afterwards.
Long day - sorry but this has got to be point form.. I decided that I will write whatever is good for the moment - whether that is a first time in the morning stream of consciousness dump, or a deliberate recount of the past, a memory dump if you will. In other words anything goes in the format - 40 days of whatever writing comes to mind when I sit down to write - I can't see having the discipline to over the next 40 days to spend the first 2 hours of my day writing. notright now anyway - That could be another 40 day project. This is just what it is now - nothing ambitious expect to write a note every day for 40 days and then post them all to the web at once.
I had a laugh with myself about writing a book inn 40 day, about writing about writing a 40 day journal.
Today - last of the free dump runs.... small load of hose, wood and glass.
Stop at Soo Mill to pick up leaf bags and faucets for the third floor apartment.
Physio went well.
Then I visited with Jan Miller at the church to talk.
My opening statement - I think I need some lessons in humility....
learned some things - that I am still holding on to too much.
Must take time each to let go of what I can.
Returned home... fixed the faucets - but had to find the right ones at Canadian Tire first.
I am grateful for my third floor tenant, Kimberley, who is raking up and bagging all the leaves.
Then off to the office for some writing - bulletin for Rotary and code for ELC.
Supper with my sweetie at Casey`s.
Goof mood I am told.
Another day
Sticking to this agreement - one post per day - when I can - one writing a day regardless.
Namaste
Long day - sorry but this has got to be point form.. I decided that I will write whatever is good for the moment - whether that is a first time in the morning stream of consciousness dump, or a deliberate recount of the past, a memory dump if you will. In other words anything goes in the format - 40 days of whatever writing comes to mind when I sit down to write - I can't see having the discipline to over the next 40 days to spend the first 2 hours of my day writing. notright now anyway - That could be another 40 day project. This is just what it is now - nothing ambitious expect to write a note every day for 40 days and then post them all to the web at once.
I had a laugh with myself about writing a book inn 40 day, about writing about writing a 40 day journal.
Today - last of the free dump runs.... small load of hose, wood and glass.
Stop at Soo Mill to pick up leaf bags and faucets for the third floor apartment.
Physio went well.
Then I visited with Jan Miller at the church to talk.
My opening statement - I think I need some lessons in humility....
learned some things - that I am still holding on to too much.
Must take time each to let go of what I can.
Returned home... fixed the faucets - but had to find the right ones at Canadian Tire first.
I am grateful for my third floor tenant, Kimberley, who is raking up and bagging all the leaves.
Then off to the office for some writing - bulletin for Rotary and code for ELC.
Supper with my sweetie at Casey`s.
Goof mood I am told.
Another day
Sticking to this agreement - one post per day - when I can - one writing a day regardless.
Namaste
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Day Two
My ipod plays 'Lawyers, Guns and Money', by Warren Zevon, as I start today's entry. What has that to do with anything. Nadda. I will remember this. Apple introduced 'Genius' to its itunes. I use it all the time to create playlists for me. It works for me.Yesterday I was asked to help troubleshoot Sandy Moore's computer. She works as the part time secretary and events coordinator for my Rotary club. Fellow member Brandon Jourdin was on the other end of the telephone as we tried to re-install Internet Explorer. It wouldn't. At least we couldn't. As I started setting up this blog yesterday, I was using my son's computer, which runs on Vista. Well I was trying to change a pop up setting when all of a sudden I get all these windows pop ups asking if I trust the google website. It was going in a loop. Reminded me of the 'Im a Mac, Im a PC' advetisement, which you can see here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvzo390Mthc. There I have introduced links. Is this a bad thing? I don't know. This does not lend itself to a paper output. Speaking of which, I learned this morning that 1 sheet of paper requires 10 litres of water to manufacture. And 1 kg of leather needs 13000 litres. Initial shock value is high, but some reflection - so what. We need paper, we need leather. We can have both. But the water needs to be monetized. I hate to say that. We use so much without regard for its origin and destination. Sometime ago, someone hinted that there are molecules of water floating around that were breathed in by, well you name him or her - whoever is among your historical idols.Well gotta go. i need to start this earlier in the day so I have more time to write. now... back to the ELC...
But this I post this and realize that I did not post yesterday's.... Hence the close time between today and yesterday..
But this I post this and realize that I did not post yesterday's.... Hence the close time between today and yesterday..
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Day One
I am no authority on much, least of all in the spiritual realm. But I try in all ways to do my best, be my best, give my best. That I fail, sometimes more than less, I must forgive. Finding the strength to do that has been difficult. Yet the irony is that it is so easy to forgive.
Since last Christmas, '08, when my then 13 year old son gave to me the book written by Rick Warren called the "The Purpose Driven Life", little did either of us know what effect the book would have. To my son, it has little effect, if any. He remains stoic and reticent. I, on the other hand, have renewed my faith in Christ and am more than willing to share that faith with anyone who wishes. I have not embraced evangilism. I doubt I ever will. I have strong beliefs in other faiths too, which I believe share a common God. Who nows? Someone. But not me. This journey I am on is not about a destination, yet.
So getting back to the book, for those who are not familiar with it, Reverend Warren lays out a 40 day work plan for his readers. Simply read one chapter a day; do the suggested actions, which include a bible reading or two, journaling, self-reflection, prayer or meditation. I have to admit that I was not 100% diligent, as I missed a few days here and there. But I made them up.
I decided I would accept Reverend Warren`s challenge in honour of my son. For I don`t think that I would have bought the book for myself. And since Geordon gave me the book for Christmas, I decided I could honour him by reading the book. but the book is not a read. It is a forty day journey of daily practice. Well it so happens that there are forty days between the day after Christmas and the day before my birthday. I thought that was kind of neat. Some day in the future, I will publish my first 40 Purpose Driven Life journal.
I see now that 40 days is an excellent period. I`ll find all the references I can over these next forty days and remark about them I am sure.
Here I set my intention to create a 40 day blog. It will be mostly stream of consciousness drivel. If it`s any good, then good. If it`s all drivel, well that is fine too, as it will have been expunged from my system. Someone, somewhere may find a connection, a flicker of inspiration. But if no-one should read this, then oh well. I am not really writing this for anyone but myself.
One other thing, I will post all forty days on the fortieth day. I anticipate that I will not be able to create entries on each day as I will be away in the bush some of the days. I will write on paper - you know that white thin eight and half inch by eleven inch stuff. But I will faithfully write every day for the next forty days.
Welcome to my journey, my great journey.
Since last Christmas, '08, when my then 13 year old son gave to me the book written by Rick Warren called the "The Purpose Driven Life", little did either of us know what effect the book would have. To my son, it has little effect, if any. He remains stoic and reticent. I, on the other hand, have renewed my faith in Christ and am more than willing to share that faith with anyone who wishes. I have not embraced evangilism. I doubt I ever will. I have strong beliefs in other faiths too, which I believe share a common God. Who nows? Someone. But not me. This journey I am on is not about a destination, yet.
So getting back to the book, for those who are not familiar with it, Reverend Warren lays out a 40 day work plan for his readers. Simply read one chapter a day; do the suggested actions, which include a bible reading or two, journaling, self-reflection, prayer or meditation. I have to admit that I was not 100% diligent, as I missed a few days here and there. But I made them up.
I decided I would accept Reverend Warren`s challenge in honour of my son. For I don`t think that I would have bought the book for myself. And since Geordon gave me the book for Christmas, I decided I could honour him by reading the book. but the book is not a read. It is a forty day journey of daily practice. Well it so happens that there are forty days between the day after Christmas and the day before my birthday. I thought that was kind of neat. Some day in the future, I will publish my first 40 Purpose Driven Life journal.
I see now that 40 days is an excellent period. I`ll find all the references I can over these next forty days and remark about them I am sure.
Here I set my intention to create a 40 day blog. It will be mostly stream of consciousness drivel. If it`s any good, then good. If it`s all drivel, well that is fine too, as it will have been expunged from my system. Someone, somewhere may find a connection, a flicker of inspiration. But if no-one should read this, then oh well. I am not really writing this for anyone but myself.
One other thing, I will post all forty days on the fortieth day. I anticipate that I will not be able to create entries on each day as I will be away in the bush some of the days. I will write on paper - you know that white thin eight and half inch by eleven inch stuff. But I will faithfully write every day for the next forty days.
Welcome to my journey, my great journey.
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